Struggling in emotions, repeatedly struggling, anxious and exhausted, spinning in place... In daily life, people may more or less fall into emotional turmoil, and how to break out of the emotional cage has become an important issue for mental health. Liao Chunling, a Ph.D. in applied psychology and a second level psychological counselor, told reporters that emotional internal friction refers to the state of repeatedly thinking and struggling about the same thing, opposing one's own emotions and thoughts, consuming a lot of attention and emotional energy, but rarely transforming into effective action. Simply put, emotional infighting is when the 'way of handling emotions' goes wrong. Why do you fall into emotional infighting? Regarding the reasons for the formation of emotional internal friction, Liao Chunling summarized them as follows: 1. Cognitive bias, problems such as catastrophizing, black-and-white thinking, "should" thinking, and mind reading (guessing others' thoughts); 2. Fear of uncertainty and evaluation, excessive desire for control; 3. Value conflicts and unclear boundaries, wanting to please others but also wanting to protect oneself; 4. Information overload, insufficient sleep and exercise make the brain more prone to overthinking. Liao Chunling said that the typical manifestation of emotional internal friction is not that the "emotion" itself is problematic, but that the way emotions are handled is inappropriate. Its typical manifestations mainly include the following: 1. Repeated worry or rumination, the same problem circulating in the brain and cannot be stopped; 2. Self criticism and perfectionism, afraid of making mistakes, demanding too much, resulting in procrastination; 3. Physical tension and fatigue, stiff shoulders and neck, palpitations, poor sleep, and waking up still tired; 4. Being overly sensitive to others' evaluations and repeatedly chewing on a single sentence can lead to the worst outcome. The "Four Step Method" teaches you how to get rid of emotional conflicts. Step 1: Enhance awareness, identify the source of internal conflicts, and do not judge the goodness or badness of thoughts. Only observe the coming and going. Starting from now, try to focus on breathing for 5 minutes, feel the airflow entering and exiting the nasal cavity, maintain concentration, and gently pull back whenever thoughts drift away. During this process, repeated internal friction patterns, triggering events, and core beliefs can be identified. For example, when feeling anxious, conflicted, or exhausted, record what happens? What thoughts flashed through my mind at that time? What did you feel? How does your body feel? What did you do or want to do at that time? When you can identify the root cause of internal friction and see the contradictions in things clearly, internal friction may be alleviated. Step 2: Learn to accept and care for yourself. Treat yourself like a good friend in a difficult situation and lend a helping hand to yourself. Realizing that the pain you are experiencing is real and worthy of attention, realizing that everyone experiences pain, mistakes, and imperfections, and that you are not the only one. Accept imperfection, tolerate one's own mistakes, and the pain will eventually dissipate. Step 3: Taking effective action is necessary to enhance discernment and execution in the face of situations that are prone to internal friction. Firstly, distinguish which ones are controllable and which ones are uncontrollable, and focus your energy on the "controllable circle" while formulating specific strategies for the next step of action. Even just "take three deep breaths first", "spend 10 minutes researching relevant information", "ask the other person a specific question directly to clarify", etc., are all worth encouraging. Step 4: Adjust the cognitive mode and change the internal friction engine. To fundamentally get rid of internal friction, the key is to change the mode of understanding things. You can keep an emotional diary to identify recurring core issues that trigger strong negative emotions, such as "I must be liked by everyone" and "Making mistakes equals incompetence". Next, replace old beliefs with new and more reasonable ones and actively practice them. For example, when faced with criticism, think from a different perspective: "Just because this person has opinions about my project doesn't mean they negate all of my value. Let's see which suggestions are reasonable." Finally, "sorting things out" is important. Distinguish between one's own affairs and those of others. Do not interfere with others, and do not allow others to interfere with your topic at will. Liao Chunling concluded that staying away from emotional turmoil is not about eliminating emotions, but about learning to build a stable place in the center of inner turmoil. Perceive internal friction and choose to let go, withdraw attention from the vortex of thoughts, learn to take proactive steps, and overcome emotional "spinning in place" with actions. Each step is worthy of recognition. (New Society)